A woman I deeply admire invited me to do a 10 Days of Writing accountability experiment. She is sharing on googledocs, and I figure I’d just over-saturate this blog with 10 days of updates. This is especially good timing, because this is the eve of my First Day of Work, the reason I came to Denver. That, and, you know, changing my entire life.
Today I woke up at 7:30 to move my car, and for once didn’t go back to sleep. Instead I went for a 1.5 mile run (In the altitude! Around the city! I went for a run, which I haven’t done in months, which I have been hiding from, which I have been terrified to do, this could be 100 blog posts all by itself. Just know this is A Big Deal.) and showered and put on mascara and semi-kind-of-professional-looking clothes.
After a successful adventure to the library, where every single person I spoke to seemed to be radiating sunshine, I went to My Building for the first time. I can’t claim it, there’s no possible way, do I really belong in that thing? There’s a school in the bottom, the lobby is beautiful, and the security card that was bestowed upon me today turns a magic red light green and allows me to the elevators where I will be working, I think, on the 12th floor. Waiting in the lobby, I saw people in and out, in and out, and suddenly that monotony was broken when I realized, I will end up knowing some of these people. Denver isn’t just about hiking and loving my dog and arranging furniture and learning the street names: I’m here to work. Right. Forgot about that.
At the library, I checked my DPS email for the second time, after a week hiatus. Immediately I felt a snowball whirling loops in my gut – I had about 20 emails of meeting invites with all these names I’ve never seen, in all these rooms I don’t understand the name of, with topics that are names I tried to be excited about. I felt just the faintest twinge of panic. Tomorrow I will meet people. Tomorrow I decide to cover my undercut or show it (it will be covered… at least to start), to cover my tattoos or show them (one will show), to be quiet and humble or energetic and forthcoming (both?) Tomorrow is the first day of my third Professional Job. I am grown. I know things.
In the evening, home from trekking around the outside mall, from splurging at Gap and Forever 21 and 7-11 where I bought the only real food I ate today (a Clif bar), I texted Sho about the Colombian tinder man who I’ve seen twice since last noting it. I sent snaps to the universe and reveled in my IKEA room. Then… (wait for it) …I went running again. Because this is what my life is, now. And I ran the same distance a minute faster than I did this morning. Maybe it was the dark, maybe it was because I’m not scared of the tightness the altitude gives me, maybe because I’m ready to start being who I am again, instead of a shell. I ran twice today, I start work tomorrow, & today a bracelet I re-ordered arrived in the mail. I used to wear it constantly and it disappeared somewhere… today, just in time for my first day, it arrived in my mailbox. Brown leather with a silver plate, it reminds: As I run, as I run, the universe is running with me.